Wham-O-Gram

American women over the age of 40 are encouraged to get mammograms to help prevent breast cancer. Moonie, being the curious type, asked what mammograms are like.

“Put your breast on a windowsill,” a friend told him. “Then slam the window shut. Then open and slam it again. Then switch to the other breast.”

I winced. Moonie beamed. “That sounds more like a WHAM-o-gram!” he shouted. He loves the word “wham.”

I winced again.

When it came time for our first “wham-o-gram,” Moonie stood guard in the waiting room, daring anyone to bother us as we prepared for my appointment.

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Colonoscop-WHEE

    Is there anything that Moonie doesn’t think is fun?

    (Short answer: nope.)

    I’ve had a mysterious illness for months now and off-the-charts protein counts. There’s some kind of infection or long-term disease in my body. The best way to look around in a person without cutting them open is to, and I’ll just blurt this out, stick a scope up their bum.

    Moonie thinks that is AWESOME.

    He wants one up his bum now, too. We had to tell him that all it would show is rainbows and cookie crumbs, and that would get boring, and he finally had to agree.

    But he sure thought my own colonoscopy was a ball. Me, not so much. But living with my tan-line-free little nudist, who is so proud of his bum that his name is Moonie, is helping to encourage me to post about our little derriere adventure. We humans, maybe Americans especially, are very private about our private parts, and bum-related things are taboo to talk about. But 1 in 20 of us will develop colorectal cancer during our lifetimes, and other gastrointestinal diseases and issues will affect greater numbers of us, too. It’s something to inform ourselves about, not blush about.

    Luckily, Moonie doesn’t find anything embarrassing (except for occasionally blushing around pretty ladies and the random inanimate objects he crushes on). So here is a precise rundown of our colonoscopy experience for anyone having this procedure soon or anyone curious what we’ll all face down the road. Read More